While I could sit here (literally minus the pants and procrastinating on getting ready for my NYE plans) and detail what I've gone through as a daughter, as a sister, as a granddaughter, as a friend, as a girlfriend...I'm not quite sure this is the place for it all. Those beautifully chaotic ups and downs are written in my heart - they have been acknowledged with the grace and strength that I have learned from so many that surround me - many of them reading this very post.
I post today in reflection of my journey as a blogger ... as a creative being who has seemingly found a place to lay out her transformation - the transformation of a young woman as she becomes entranced by the resilient life and culture that has surrounded her for so many years.
In six short months, I have carved out my little space in the blogosphere - but as you may have noticed with my constant tweaking and changing of layouts, I do not rest. I'm always in search of more - a dynamic experience that keeps you guessing whats next for Dixie Lust. I have been consumed with my little creation - not only wondering how I can delve more deeply into my culture but also racking my brain how I can better myself as a blogger.
Recently I was e-mailing with my "soul sister", Summer. And as we talked about the corner stone of blogging, writing, I shared one of my countless theories. We are all amazing writers - but each of us has a specific strength in writing that we need to discover and nurture. Some of us can make readers snort with raucous laughter as they scroll through our posts *cough* KLaw *cough* Some of us write with such beautifully uncensored emotion that whether we are downtrodden with despair or holding our breaths with the deepest hope, our readers guts feel the pangs of the same emotion. (Hola Dim Sum) And then some of us have the ability to go through our dashboard and respond to each and every post with the same genuine outpouring of compassion and selfless love. (Hey Hey KS)
In the past weeks, with a new year - a new decade looming in the near future, I have shackled myself with countless questions about Dixie Lust. What sort of writer am I? Where do my strengths lie? Why did I start it? What subjects should it be covering? What subjects are off limits? How do I relay the message that I want to send? And for that matter, what isss the message I'm trying to send? I've been so consumed with these thoughts - that last week I had the most ludicrous but enlightening dream. Yes. I dreamt about my blog.
I dreamt that LyLa and I literally walked our way to Houston - a pilgrimage of sorts, you could say. A pilgrimage of what you ask? A pilgrimage to see my high school Creative Writing Teacher, Ms. Genie. We trekked up the interstate for days, and when we finally got there, Lyla left me to my search. I stumbled upon my former teacher cleaning out her garage - and I began frantically explaining the concept of my blog. I began rattling off all the questions I had - and searched her eyes for some sort of direction. (Seriously.) She silently reached into a box and pulled out my writing portfolio from my senior year - and simply said, "The answers lie in here."
A bit dramatic, a smidgen of whack, but...that's how I tend to roll in my dreams. When I awoke from my dream, I headed out to my own garage and went directly to an old hutch. I opened the creaking door and inside, exactly where I knew it would be, was my writing portfolio, aptly titled "Metamorphosis." Inside, I found exactly what I needed.
I can't fully explain whats in my mind and whats in my heart, but I can say that 2010 will be Dixie Lust's year. I will bridge the gap between my being a blogger and my being a writer. There will be changes around here - some noticeable (Anyone else spot a new layout on the horizon?) and some will be changes that only I can feel (more direction and thought into my posts, perhaps?) I've refocused myself on what I'm here to do - what I'm here to say. Dixie Lust will be something more. I will be something more.