Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Claw & Hiss...Houston...The Trip: Last Will and Testament

((VIA ME))

To SKing, I leave you a bottle of Nair and a timer.

To MTher, I leave you a handkerchief in any color other than purple.

To Myself, I leave a weave-touching intervention slip.

To the (wo)man at the Texas state line, I leave you a key for those handcuffs (but only in exchange for an explanation)

To Ninja, Tre Von, & AGriff, I leave you a Secret Society pocket dictionary for decoding conversation.

To the Porsche Cayman, I leave you a third seat.

To the male "entertainment" at JR's, I leave you booty poppin' moves.

To the "gayborhood," I leave you streets on a grid system.

To SKing, I leave you a .75" ceramic spiral-coiled barrel curling iron and a bottle of face wash.

To the future guests of room 904, I leave you a bottle of Febreze to deal with ass-smelling couch.

To my credit card, I leave you locked up in-room goodies and a mini bar key that doesn't work.

To my future hungover self, I leave you a can of Grabeez Gummi Bears and two Advil.

To everyone who listened to us, I leave you a (few) grain(s) of salt.

To Alexan Post, I leave you a slightly less confusing maze of hallways, elevators, and parking garages.

To Ninja & SKing, I return your foreign accents with the added bonus of a sound proof room.

To Ninja, I leave you Woodchuck on tap. Trust's better.

To the Bartender at JR's, I leave you an adderall and some manners.

To Tre Von, I leave you a tiara ... we're so confused by drama queens.

To man in the Galleria Starbucks, I leave you anger management courses.

To the mannequins at Chanel, I leave you new wigs... and less creepy eyes.

To the sales people at Chanel, I leave you an eye roll and perhaps a gps locating device for each customer.

To Sanrio store, I leave you half my paycheck and my mailing address.

To Crave Cupcakes, I leave you the other half of my paycheck and the mailing address as well.

To Hotel Derek Housekeeping, I leave you a bottle of fingernail polish remover.

To Myself, I leave a year supply of shower caps.

To SKing, I leave a Tangueray and Tonic.

To Ikea, I leave you an hour and ten minutes - because despite what people say, that's all the time we need with you.

To Wicked, I leave you a standing ovation.

To Ninja, I leave you just onnnnne more pair of chopsticks and 2 fortune cookies.

To SKing, I leave a redbull and some sour skittles.

To MTher, I leave you an explanation to all this confusion.

To Ninja, I leave you early morning Snyder's Pretzels and blood sugar testing.

To Aladdin, we leave you the obvious Magic Carpet.

To Sang-Mi, we leave you a bee.

To Houston Restaurants, I leave you the Louisiana custom of splitting checks.

To the Bartender at Sherlocks, I leave you a season dvd of Tosh.0

To the mini fridge of 904, Ninja and I leave you Grotto's half salmon and half ravioli.

To Houston Weather, I leave you my eternal gratefulness for not raining.

To a random unknown location in Houston, I leave you two Hotel Derek Room keys.

To Ninja's car seats, I leave you my dignity and whatever smidge of grace I had left.

To Hotel Derek valet, I leave you way too much money and Ninja's time...oh and his car keys too.

To the streets of Houston, Ninja requests that I leave you a notice to fix the streets in the supposedly swanky part of town.

To the Nitro, I leave you new windshield wipers.

To Ninja's driving skills, I leave my surprise and wonder.

To the view of downtown Houston from the Hobby Center balcony, I leave you warm-fuzzy feelings.

To Final Fantasy VII, I leave you the promise that I'll get back to you when I'm less delirious and "Dilly-Dally Shilly-Shally."

To the Map left for me at the front desk of the hotel, I leave you warm fuzzy feelings a chorus of "awwwws."

To MTher, I leave you "Me Likey Mad Libs" on the drive home.

To Sking, I leave you 30 minute flights that dont cost $400 or a $35 train ride that doesn't take 5 & 1/2 hours.

To Ninja & Tre Von, we leave you our love and thanks for showing us your city and invitation to see ours.

To Houston, we leave you our love and a promise that we will be back, maybe even permanently.

1 comment:

Geez Louise♥ said...

You are hilarious and right about one thing...WoodChuck is BETTTER on tap.
Love you.